I could write a book about the Nordie dating culture. Think about it: combine chiseled bodies, compulsive personalities and a complete lack of social skills and you have an entertainment gold mine. A TLC reality show waiting to happen.
Fortunately (unfortunately?) for us, our little, insulated community has yet to be exploited for all its worth in the name of popular culture. Thus we proceed forward, not so much in social ineptitude but rather creating our own social code.
For that reason, picking up a Nordie is a nuanced skill. Starting on the floors of Junior Nationals dances and working through the tensions of training camps, college teams and international trips, Nordies gain a particular understanding of how to court each other. In addition to wildly unrealistic body expectations, our training regimens have instilled in us certain rules of attraction.
We speak our own language and may respond to any or all of the following lines (of varying levels of originality). If you have more to add, please do in the comments, we could use all the help we can get. (Note: these lines are rated PG, if you add some, yours should be too. Despite my blog being blocked on various high school servers, this ain’t that kind of site, yo).
NORDIE PICKUP LINES
I thought you were an angel fallen from Heaven, but then I realized your wings were just lats.
You look like the kind of guy/girl I’d like to make a complex carb, super veggie and complete protein for.
Either I just finished an L4 interval, or you took my breath away.
If you forgot yours, I would share my post-workout snack with you.
You must have done thousands of laps, baby, because you’ve been skiing through my mind all day.
I want our love to be like a hill climb: irrational and never ending.
Wanna get out of here, enjoy some vitamin-c and get to bed before 10?
Wanna have a pull up contest?
Do you squat here often?
If a 120 heart rate means I’m in L1, I could log every second I spend with you.
I feel like hydrocarbon shavings, because you just swept me away!
My resting heart rate is 43, but I bet it would be 47 if I woke up next to you.
You don’t need to wear hi-vis for me to notice when you walk into a room.
Heart rate monitor tans are hot.
Ok. That’s enough. I didn’t even get to the spandex jokes, I’ll save those for the winter edition.
Xs, Os and L1 flings,