It’s rollerski season again. The days of pavement pounding, blistered digits and sweaty helmets are upon us. We’ve made the transition from gloves and hats to high vis tanks and shorts, we no longer need to carry extra wax, but a few sets of spare ferrels will do us well. Aside from the equipment changes, our movement from skiing to rollerskiing entails yet another adjustment.
I’m talking about dogs.
These road creatures add another element of excitement to our training, one that demands agility, combat and a little bit of fear (which they can smell, by the way). Today, as we rollerskied past a driveway, one came flying out of nowhere, barking and sprinting, and my new teammate Ian held up his pole tips to protect himself. “I’ve had a few bad dog experiences,” he told me, primed and ready to make a shish kadog.
I’ve had some experiences, too. Mostly with small dogs determined to get my ankles. Most ending with me taunting them (“who do you think is going to win this one, really?”). After a poorly timed Corgi accident (I love Cogis) I was trying to think of ways to avoid animal danger on my rolls when my boyfriend suggested that maybe, just maybe, the dogs weren’t attacking me. They just wanted to hang out.
Perhaps, like so many conflicts today, my aggressors were simply misunderstood. From there, I tried projecting positive personalities onto the barking dogs (I may have officially lost it). They were cheering me up the hill, not spelling out which limb they would nom first.
Then I found a meme generator. So this happened:
The (Positive) Inner dialogues of dogs watching rollerskiers, by breed(ish):
The Palmeranian (and other small dogs): The #Belieber Fans
The Golden Retriever: Thinks your roll wheels are balls
The Poodle: Wants to know about your cardio regimen
The Big Scary Dog: Drunk fan at the Tour de France (via the Torch)
The Dog Pack: Supportive Soccer Moms
The Corgi: Thinks it has found its people
The Basset Hound: The grumpy old man
and, finally, The Guy Who Just Wants to Fit In